tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56310225717012247432024-02-21T06:19:11.849-08:00The Pursuit...(definition- the act of striving towards something)justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-60151028428291083362012-02-15T22:41:00.000-08:002012-02-15T22:47:18.788-08:00Of A New Chapter<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">If anyone is still reading this blog,</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">they might be surprised by the tone of this entry.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Neither sad nor cynical.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">and this is why</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI0iGSSstTTmVCvrbaESE5TWJX9JISncvVL2E3l4MKcKwLTJQqo0AvpAK_AS13XsG8exNyouEJ4MY9EUvBYTkr_a5D5kWtSdzYiDFzenApSe5fp8MIdbzlU12DGO9-0rYasY9IEn-rdTE/s1600/IMG_2542.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgI0iGSSstTTmVCvrbaESE5TWJX9JISncvVL2E3l4MKcKwLTJQqo0AvpAK_AS13XsG8exNyouEJ4MY9EUvBYTkr_a5D5kWtSdzYiDFzenApSe5fp8MIdbzlU12DGO9-0rYasY9IEn-rdTE/s320/IMG_2542.JPG" width="320" /></span></span></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Okay, you might ask why I'm showing you a picture where everyone looks weird.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #741b47;">I couldn't resist. He makes me smile all the time.</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Now, don't roll your eyes and say</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #cc0000;">"oh, great so now her life is perfect because she has a guy"</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d85c6;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">"Let me explain... no there is too much. Let me sum up"</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">in the 9 months David and I have been together there has been:</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;">tears</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;">fights</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;">deaths</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;">struggles</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;">disagreements</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;">worry</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;">frustration</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;">discouragement</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">AND there has been:</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">smiles</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">uncontrollable laughter</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">new experiences</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">love</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">trust</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">devotion</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">friendship</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: white;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: orange;">hope</span></span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">and most importantly, a rekindling of our relationships with God</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">He has impacted my life in <span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #45818e;">so many </span>ways.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">People might think things are supposed to go smoothly when you find "the one"</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">and while our relationship is good, life isn't always easy.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">However, we are both the first to admit we are not perfect.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">But we both have each others backs. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">We both look for the other person above ourselves.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">He is my best friend. My confidant. My sanity.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">He knows I'm sometimes an emotional roller coaster (though won't admit it if asked) and that I can be irrational, and despite what i like to pretend, I'm not "always right."</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">My life is not perfect because I now "have a man"</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">My life is great because perfection is impossible</span></span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">and the imperfection of love is amazing in this new chapter.</span></span></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-26641675356427514102011-04-06T21:36:00.000-07:002011-04-06T21:36:47.670-07:00of A Glimpse With a Smile and A Turn<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">some people swear up and down that you should not look back</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">don't look back because you need to be moving forward</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">don't look back cause it'll trip you up</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">don't look back because it's not NOW</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">a small part of me agrees</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">a big part of me likes to look back though</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">what's wrong with looking to the past every now and then</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">the past is the path i've walked to who i am today</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">remember that one friend who was utterly ridiculous and all we talked about was guys?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">or that guy who taught me that relaxing and doing nothing can be just what i need at the end of a long day?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">i feel no guilt in looking back on times with people and having a small smile thinking about it</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">no matter how horrible or abrupt or confusing the ending was</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">because there was obviously something good about that friendship/ relationship</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">something that spoke to a part me</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">something that kept me going</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">and i think it's ok to smile about those</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;"><br />
</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">however, even with that smile</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">there has to be a turn</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">back to the present</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">because </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">those people are in my past for a reason</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">maybe it was simply the lack of time for getting together</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">maybe the friendship was one sided</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">maybe it was that it just ran it's course</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br />
</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d;">so a small look back</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d;">a shadow of a smile</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d;">shake of a head with a chuckle</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d;">a sigh</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #38761d;">and then a turn back to today</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;">because today</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;">~well~</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;">today holds new promises</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;">adventures and unknowns</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #b45f06;">new smiles</span></span></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-10952129722688463492010-12-25T12:37:00.000-08:002010-12-25T13:32:06.100-08:00of Professional Thanks<div align="center">looking back at this time last year</div><div align="center">i can't help but think of all the lessons i've learned and the "teachers" who guided me through them</div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white; color: #4c1130; font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">~so humor me as I thank the gentlemen who have taught me so much this year~</span></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white;">to <span style="color: #a64d79;"><em>the girl</em></span>: thank you for teaching me that i'm not called to always be the bigger person in the relationship. and that grace, while needed in relationships, should not be an excuse for continuing stupidity.</span></div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white;"><br />
</span></div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white;">to <span style="color: #bf9000;"><em>the wonder boy</em>:</span> thank you for teaching me a relationship always needs more than a spark.</span></div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white; font-size: x-small;">[in all fairness, he doesn't belong in this list with the other professors, he's actually been a steady friend after everything settled down]</span></div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white;"><br />
</span></div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white;">to <em><span style="color: #0b5394;">5 days</span></em>: thank you for teaching me that listening to my heart is not a sin, even when the outcome isn't easy. and that even the most unassuming, sweet, adoring guy has his jerk moments.</span></div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white;"><br />
</span></div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white;">to <em><span style="color: #38761d;">the pirate</span></em>: thanks for the lesson to not take moments for granted. they're here today and gone tomorrow. (and the lesson that you dissapearing makes it awkward <span style="font-size: xx-small;">{for you}</span> when we run into each other 6 months later- fyi, i found it humorous)</span></div><div align="center"><br />
<br />
<div align="center"><span style="background-color: white;">to <span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="color: #e69138;"><em>the 12 y/o</em></span><em><span style="color: black;">: </span></em><span style="color: black;">thank you for teaching me that age <strike>does</strike> equal maturity</span>.</span></span></div><div align="center"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="color: black;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"> </span></span><br />
<div align="center"><span style="color: #b45f06;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black;">to <span style="color: #990000;"><em>the great communicator</em></span>: thank you for the lesson that a text at 1 am does not constitute a relationship. and that I need to make sure I make decisions for <span style="color: #cc0000;">myself</span>, not my family, friends or, heaven forbid, you.</span></span></div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white;"><br />
</span></div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white;">and lastly, to <em><span style="color: #444444;">the player</span></em>: thank you for proving me right. for teaching me that I'm stronger than I think. For teaching me that I deserve better. and for teaching and reminding me that, always, "actions speak louder than words."</span></div><div align="center"><br />
<div align="center"><strong><span style="background-color: white; font-size: x-small;">the unfortunate thing is that the teacher usually thinks they have nothing to learn </span></strong></div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white;">{but that's their loss}</span></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center">to all my teachers in this past year</div><div align="center">thank you for the lessons</div><div align="center">*</div><div align="center">*</div><div align="center"><em>but don't take it personally if i don't suggest your "classes" or retake them</em></div><div align="center">*</div><div align="center">*</div><div align="center"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">it's just that</span></div><div align="center"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">when i look back on what i learned</span></div><div align="center"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">it all seems relatively</span></div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0c343d;">:well:</span></div><div align="center"><strong><span style="color: #660000; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">elementary</span></strong></div><div align="center">maybe you'll move on to teaching lessons that involve more finesse</div><div align="center"><em><span style="color: #4c1130; font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">however, you can only teach what you know</span></em></div><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">and i think i'm ready to move on to lessons that are slightly more sophisticated</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">-aka: it takes longer than a couple of weeks to learn everything you have to teach-</span></div></div></div></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-62312839551639722212010-09-15T20:26:00.000-07:002010-09-15T20:26:29.271-07:00thru Stream of Consciousness<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">do i continue to get myself into situations knowing full well what i'm getting myself into?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">or am i really trying to do what i tell people, "not look, just stay open"</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i hope it's the latter</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but sometimes</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">...</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i'd rather not have anything</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">cause getting close to anyone and actually letting them see anything vulnerable about me</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">just brings up the past</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i know i'm not the only person out there with a past or even a past that has some hard points</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i don't wave that as a "wounded" flag</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but it does make me who i am</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and who am i anyway?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">what am i doing?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">why am i still here?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and why don't i have any desire to leave?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">why do i have a feeling of impending doom half of the time?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">why do i wish the world would end?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">where did this <i>ABSOLUTE LOVE</i> of dancing come from?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've always seen my brother follow after my mother and my sister follow after my father.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">not in a bad way, but i've always felt i don't fit.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i feel like i've dabbled in both of those areas (writing and the medical field respectively)</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and i CAN kinda get into them</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but i need MORE</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">more creativity and challenge</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i know, what's more creative than making up stories and people?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">or more challenging than figuring what the issue with someone's body, why it's acting the way it is?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">it's just not for me</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i have to be fluid</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">flow</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">touch people</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">feed off of their energy</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">allow their passion to fuel mine</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've felt like i've never known what a passion of mine is</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i know one now</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">dancing</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i love it</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i wish i could find someone who would go dancing with me</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(a guy preferably, dancing with another girl is only slightly "funny" entertaining and only for one time)</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but to find someone who <i>ADORES </i>it as much as i do</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">who i could intertwine with on the dance floor</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">the music being the only thing driving us</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">...</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've had that only a few times</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">it's like being in a dream</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and i can't wipe the smile off my face after it</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(and i'm definitely talking of legitimate dancing, not just club dancing)</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and what sucks is when you find someone who can actually dance</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and he's a totally sketchy guy</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">so many guys my age don't even care to learn</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">sometimes i wonder if i'm handicapping myself</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">if i'm intentionally, altho maybe unknowingly, sabotaging things in my life</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">cause failure is scary</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">life, truly living life, is scary</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and what if i try</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and nothing changes?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">or i end up farther behind then where i started in the first place?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and why do i give others so much more grace than i give myself?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i think of the things that i beat myself up about</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and if anybody were to tell me the exact same thing</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i would tell them, there's nothing that they can do to lose HIS love</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but that would be a line</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(even if it's true)</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and i HATE lines</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i have grown to dislike lines so much</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">the lines we get/ give on religion</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">("it's not a religion, it's a relationship")</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">the lines we get/ give on relationships</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">("well, if he doesn't call you back, he's the one losing out")</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">the lines on life in general</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">("don't worry, you'll look back on this and it won't be that big of a deal)</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">just so sick of them</span></span></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-82492738932397882472010-08-30T21:45:00.000-07:002010-08-30T21:45:57.958-07:00of a Quick Rant<div style="text-align: center;"><i>{because i can}</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>{because it's my blog}</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><br />
</i></div><div style="text-align: center;">i'm tired of always being the "bigger person"</div><div style="text-align: center;">trying to take the high road while the other person acts like a child</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">that is all</div><div style="text-align: center;">thank you</div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-17244402826414652082010-08-24T22:06:00.000-07:002010-08-24T22:06:31.878-07:00In Translation<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">i greatly apologize to the male population</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">because</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">it's true</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">women rarely say what we mean</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">or even what we want to say</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">i'm going to try to explain some of the ways i think</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">when we gloat all the time about being right</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">we are secretly hoping that you will prove us <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">wrong</span></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">when we state that there is no use in fighting</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">we're </span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">begging </span></span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">you to </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">fight</span></b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">, to </span><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">try</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">when we state that there is no point, our <i>mind is made up</i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">we want you to change it</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">when we claim to be over it</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">we're probably not over it </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">(if we were, there would be no reason to have to say it)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">when we say we "had an ok day" when you ask how it was</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">we really mean we don't want to freak you out by telling you</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i>that we got in a fight with a friend and then had to go to work and then got yelled about by a customer, then our car wouldn't start and had to be towed and we ended up hearing from our ex who is still an immature jerk and we just want to cry plus we missed our favorite show due to the car situation</i></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><i><br />
</i></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">when we seem indifferent or distant for no apparent reason</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">we're scared</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">but most importantly</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">when we don't say what we mean</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">we are really just looking for that guy who will try to understand and will eventually cause us to trust him enough to tell him exactly what we mean</span></i></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-12197334709537404192010-08-10T22:34:00.000-07:002010-08-10T22:34:28.489-07:00of a Fortune<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"you are headed in the right direction"</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">~</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">~</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">~</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">oh really?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">i'm head in the right direction, oh wise Chinese fortune cookie?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">i'm so glad you are wiser than i</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">'cause</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">i didn't know that <i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: purple;">running around feeling like a chicken with my head cut off</span></i></span><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"> </span></i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">was a direction</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">at least that's how i feel</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">it'd be nice to be going the right direction</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">or even to be kinda meandering in the realm of the right direction</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">but i guess that's why i have this reminder with me</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">"not all who wander are lost"</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">that's probably what i need to be remembering</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">not some piece of paper that came in a tasteless container that is heralded as a cookie</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif;">{altho, the Chinese was a nice pick-me-up to the day}</span></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-22103047957934018012010-08-10T17:34:00.000-07:002010-08-10T17:34:07.944-07:00of Running Away...<div align="center"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0c343d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>but i won't</em></span></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0c343d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>it doesn't change anything</em></span></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0c343d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>maybe i'll just escape for tonight tho</em></span></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0c343d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>maybe just tonight i'll get away</em></span></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0c343d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>i'll just hop in my car and drive</em></span></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0c343d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>or simply lock myself in my apartment</em></span></div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div align="center"><span style="background-color: white; color: #0c343d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>either way, i'm getting away</em></span></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-24783139353424443392010-07-17T23:17:00.000-07:002010-07-17T23:17:51.240-07:00of the Next Step<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">do i stick to what i know?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">do i runaway?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">or do i try to stick this one out?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">do i listen to that small voice that says</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"just cause this is different, not what you expected, doesn't mean this isn't what you need"</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">do i leave?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">let the frustration take over and stomp away?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">is this even worth it?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">is it supposed to be this unpredictable and seemingly impossible?</span></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-84025475326520363352010-07-11T20:47:00.000-07:002010-07-11T20:47:39.178-07:00of My True Cynic<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">how am i a cynic you might ask</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">well, when you automatically assume the worst possible outcome</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and tell yourself it'd be for the best</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i think that could be it</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">see, it's easier this way</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">{i'm never disappointed}</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">cause if the worst possible outcome happens</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i can't be let down</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">cause i was already expecting it</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and i guess if i'm proven wrong</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">than it means it has to be better</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">{but that's not why i'm a cynic}</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i'm a cynic cause it's how i've taught myself to be</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">people can't hurt you if you're already expecting to be hurt</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">you can't really let people in if you don't fully trust them</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">some people don't understand cynics</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">they think we're all bitter</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">they might be right</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but after getting hurt by people and watching people i care about get hurt</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i can't help but think that some people are just too trusting</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">maybe i'm making up for all the people who have their hearts open</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">personally, i'd rather see something coming</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">-the something that tears your heart out-</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i'd rather have already thought it through and know how i'm going to respond</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">{but}</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">there is that small voice inside that just wishes someone would come along to get rid of this cynic inside of me</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i don't know if there's someone out there that can</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">it will be hard to get rid of</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">it's been a part of me for a long time</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">{but maybe}</span></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-66666461177495874442010-07-11T20:33:00.000-07:002010-07-11T20:33:59.582-07:00of Balance<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">up and down</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">round and round</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">my life feels like a song</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">a very typical "i can't help my emotions right now" song</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">and to be honest i'm getting sick of the tune</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">it's not the emotions i mind</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">it's the confusion that accompanies them</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">and the fear</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">the constant questioning</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">why does there always have to be a down to the up</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">why does the to always come with a fro</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">why can't it be constant</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">i know that it will always be like this</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">in every situation</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">life is never the same</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">one moment is not like the next</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">today not like tomorrow</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">i simply need to remember the things in life that won't ever change</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">the love of family and friends</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">the love of God</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">the fact that i will never understand everything</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">i just need to rest in the moment right now</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">because that's all that i'm living</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">and in the now there can {usually} only be one feeling</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">i'll deal with the one i've got at the moment</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">and deal with the others when they come</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">dealing with everything at once is never wise</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">it only makes it that much more complicated</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Courier New', Courier, monospace;">{peace}</span></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-14991577140910430182010-06-28T19:19:00.000-07:002010-06-28T19:19:13.527-07:00of the Outcome<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">is it fair to even walk into a situation that i feel like i know the outcome?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">if i'm already thinking i'm going to be disappointed, what's the point?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">maybe it's the part of me that wants to be proven wrong.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">i want to be wrong.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and if i'm proven right... am i allowed to still feel sadness in the disappointment?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">i walked into it, eyes wide open.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">probably seeing more of the situation, knowing more, than i think i do.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">and will i be forced to come to terms about who i am?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">{because}</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">even though dear friends have assured me it's not just me</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">i seem to be the common denominator in these</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"> </span></span><i><s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;">fun</span></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></s><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">situations.</span></span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">yet i keep myself open, the real fear being that one day i'll stop having an open mind.</span></span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">heart.</span></span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">love.</span></span></i></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-69716661125781436332010-06-27T16:18:00.000-07:002010-06-27T21:09:31.340-07:00of Lessons Learned<div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've learned that it doesn't matter how much people talk about doing right by their fellow man, compassion and good deeds- when push comes to shove, we choose ourselves over them.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">me included.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've learned that just because something seems too good to be true doesn't mean it is.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but it might mean that i'm not seeing the situation clearly.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've learned that it's easy to get lost in our own lives and be blinded to others.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and it happens everyday.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've learned people are just people.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">they aren't a fix to our problems.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">or the missing link.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">just people.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've learned the best and worst thing is to be alone.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and that i'm never really alone.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've learned how to forgive, forget, fight, free fall, and flee.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">all in five minutes.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've learned i'm the perfect example of "do as i say and not as i do."</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and i don't know that i'll ever grow out of that.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've learned to put someone else in my place and think about what i'd tell them.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">most of the time i don't like what i have to say.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but at least i'm not lying to myself.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've learned that all it takes is one harsh word to ruin a day.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but just one smile from a stranger to bring out the sun again.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've learned that if i don't say what needs to be said, there's no guarantee that someone else will.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">and yet sometimes i still stay quiet.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've learned i can't measure people by my experiences.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">it's just not fair.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've learned that some relationships are for forever.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">some are for a time.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">some are for a moment.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've learned that everyone needs grace.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">myself included.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've learned that most people say they want the truth.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but 99% of them don't actually want it.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i'm not one of those.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i'll take the hard truth over a soft lie any day.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br />
</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">i've learned to not be afraid to say what i feel.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">but also grown aware that not everyone deserves to know.</span></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-38828945297179252582010-06-23T20:54:00.001-07:002010-06-23T20:54:08.970-07:00(Enough and Then Some- From Nica Blog)<div style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;">"You're going to carry this thing around with you everywhere. You're going to eat with it, sleep with it, do ministry with it..."</div><div style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;">On Tuesday in class, I looked at Charles Kaye with an astounded look on my face. REALLY? Sleep with a backpack filled with 4 rocks larger than my fist? I thought maybe he was joking at first... but no. So from Tuesday til Friday, these backpacks became our constant companions. We had them with us when we woke up til we went to sleep. Some of my teammates teach a couple of soccer teams down here as a ministry and they had to go to soccer practice with rocks on their backs. A couple of our ministries down here are with children and we had to chase them and play them with uncomfortable backpacks on. It became normal to walk into our kitchen and see everyone sitting around with backpacks, looking like they were planning to go somewhere. The first day especially we all caught ourselves asking each other "Where are you going?" when the person simply walked past us with their backpack on. It really frustrated us at first. However, after awhile, I'll admit that the backpack became more comfortable, more easy to work with, less annoying. And that was what hit me the most about the exercise:</div><div style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;">Sin, when it first enters your life, is uncomfortable. You struggle with it alot, it's always on your mind, it seems to be this weight that just buries you. However, as time goes on, if that sin isn't dealt with and gotten rid of, it will become more and more a part of your life. You will find a way to make it comfortable, to make it not as bothersome. And that's the problem- when the sin becomes comfortable. And I know that the sins I had in my backpack, the ones I had been carrying around for 4 days were those sins that I had let become comfortable in my life. It made me stop and think about each of those sins and really wonder why they were in my life in the first place. We found that sins come back to a lack of trust in God. We don't really trust Him to take care of us, even though He promises to in the Bible. (Actually, one of my rocks was "trust". I knew that I struggle with trusting people and so to realize that it is the root of most sins was interesting.)</div><div style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;">So we're lugging these rocks around for 4 days. And there were times where we got really frustrated, annoyed and even mad about it. But in the end it was totally worth it. On Friday in class, Charles told us that we could give up these sins whenever we felt we had dealt with them. Whenever we felt it was time. During the last song, I took my backpack off and then once the song was over we all went outside and got rid of the rocks however we wanted to. I threw mine down an old well that has a cover over it- it would be impossible for me to go get those rocks now and that's how I feel about my sin. Not that I'll never struggle with them again, simply that I refuse to let them control me. And again, I was reminded that God's grace is enough and then some :-)</div><div style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px; text-align: center;">(written 11/23/2008)</div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-10961364269388875362010-06-23T20:51:00.001-07:002010-06-23T20:51:58.502-07:00(Screwtape Letters- from Nica Blog)<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;">I've been reading through C.S. Lewis'</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;"><em>The Screwtape Letters,</em></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;">which is a book of letters that a demon writes to his nephew. The uncle (Screwtape) is giving his nephew (Wormwood) tips on how to tempt a human and explaining to him why some forms of temptation are better and helping him with situations that come up with his "hairless biped." It's been interesting to see temptation from a different point of view- instead of always on the defensive side and just knowing we need to resist it, it shows how the mind of a demon (might) work and the possible reasoning behind the temptation.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 0.08in; text-indent: 0.5in;">In chapter 13, a situation arises that causes Screwtape to give Wormwood this advice-"It remains to be seen how we can retrieve this disaster. The great thing is to prevent his [meaning the human] doing anything. As long as he does not convert it into any action, it does not matter how much he thinks about this new repentance...(more of the quote to be added here) AS one of the humans has said, active habits are strengthened by repetition but passive ones are weakened. The more often he feels without acting, the less he will be able to ever act, and, in the long run, the less he will be able to feel."(pg61)</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 0.08in; text-indent: 0.5in;">It's interesting that he would not tell his nephew to simply distract the man from thinking about this feeling. Rather, he tells him to let him think about it (a lot) and if the man so desires to even write a book. All he says is to not let the man actually act on that feeling- and in the end he will simply stop feeling.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 0.08in; text-indent: 0.5in;">The reality is that this is brilliant. It's simple logic and is easy to do. {EXAMPLE TIME}It's like in working out- you can think about it all the time, even talk to people about your desire to do it or the positive aspects of it. But unless you get up off your bum and actually go out and do it... what good does it do? Just talking about something or even thinking about it and how great it is doesn't do diddly squat to actually doing something about it. (This example came to mind pretty easily cause it's one that occurs in my life) And the reality is that the longer we just think about it and don't do anything, we'll start telling ourselves that there's no point in starting because "we won't follow thru" or "that's just how I am."</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 0.08in; text-indent: 0.5in;">Also, Screwtape states the fact that "active habits are strengthened... but passive ones are weakened." When I first read this, I thought it meant that the more you do a habit the stronger that habit and vice versa (the less you do a habit the weaker it is). But the more I look at it, I see that it doesn't make a difference depending on repetition or a lack of repetition. It says, as an active habit is repeated, it is strengthened; yet, as a passive habit is repeated, it is weakened. I would see active and passive habits as just that- a habit that you actively do and a habit that you passively do. It's easy to figure out what an active habit would be- like running or writing or reading or smoking. You have to actively participate in the habit and over time it will become a stronger habit. Now the passive one is where it gets a little fuzzy (at least for me). So bear with me as I try to make a bridge-</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 0.08in; text-indent: 0.5in;">One of the things that comes to mind is being passive aggressive (which is what I happen to be). It's not one of my better traits. Take the example of my parents telling me to pick up my room. They would tell me time and time again to pick up my room and it's not that I would put up a huge fight about it; I would just calmly NOT do it. Or in a fight, I would sit there quietly, not really saying a lot and then at one point put in a slight jab (very calmly) and know that the fight would start up again. With being passive, until someone points it out in you, you don't even realize it is an aspect of your personality. (There are other ways you can interpret active and passive actions- if you have any ideas please let me know :-)</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 0.08in; text-indent: 0.5in;">I'm gonna wrap this blog up since it's getting pretty long. These are just my thoughts and I'm sure more will come from this book (I suggest everybody reads it).</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="color: #000033; line-height: 20px; margin-bottom: 0.08in; text-align: center; text-indent: 0.5in;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">(written 1/15/2009)</span></span></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-43738017819437471652010-06-23T20:47:00.000-07:002010-06-23T20:47:55.725-07:00(My Confession- from my Nicaragua blog)<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;">So... I don't know if you know, but we're not really supposed to get into a relationship during this trip. And I'll admit, that's pretty good advice- it takes your attention from the trip and the reason for being down here, which is God. But, I have a confession- I'm in love. (</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;"><em>for those that don't like love stories, maybe stop here cause it'll probably get a little mushy</em></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;">)</span><br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px; text-align: center;">Here's the story:</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px; text-align: center;">Now our relationship has been a difficult one... He has been pursuing me for awhile. At first, I was naïve and thought "<em><span style="font-family: Papyrus; font-size: 14pt;">Not me. I'm not that great. Other girls sure... but me? Makes no sense</span></em><span style="font-family: Papyrus; font-size: 14pt;">."</span> Then, once I realized that He was serious about pursuing and started telling me how much I meant to Him, I got swept away as most girls are when first pursued and desired. But then, after I began to believe that this amazing <strong><span style="color: #993300; font-family: Vivaldi; font-size: 18pt;">love</span></strong> was for me, I began to wonder what His intentions were. Why me? What did He want from me? Whenever I asked Him all He would say is<strong>"</strong><span style="font-family: Yataghan; font-size: 14pt;">I want you. All of you. Your past, your future. Your hurts, your joys, your desires. I want you to want me. I want your entire heart</span><strong>."</strong> Now, when someone tells you they want your heart, there's a choice. You can either give it to them or not. And at first, I wanted to just be in a partial relationship- sometimes those relationships are called <span style="color: #003300; font-family: 'Book Antiqua';">"</span><strong><em><span style="color: #003300; font-family: 'Book Antiqua'; font-size: 16pt;">friendships with benefits</span></em></strong><span style="color: #003300; font-family: 'Book Antiqua';">"</span><span style="font-family: 'Book Antiqua';">;</span> like, I could go to Him when I needed comfort or maybe if He needed me for something, I could be there for Him. But I was really iffy about giving Him my heart. It's something that is so precious and so easily broken. However, all He kept saying was "<span style="font-family: Yataghan; font-size: 14pt;">Trust me</span>." [<em>which is a struggle for me</em>] He continued to bring it up to me and ask me, slowly and deliberately how much of myself I would give Him. I would try to avoid the question at first, cause I knew that my answer would disappoint. And I knew each time I couldn't say "Yes" to Him, I hurt Him a little more. But His love was evident in the fact that He continued to pursue me... when others would have stopped. His obvious love and desire for me- this <span style="font-family: Byzantine; font-size: 16pt;">warrior Prince</span>- finally captured me. I've finally realized that I have no reason to doubt Him. He's always been trustworthy, I've never felt alone, and His love for me is evident. And I am <strong><span style="color: maroon; font-family: 'Curlz MT'; font-size: 16pt;">head-over-heels in love</span></strong>. And I don't care who knows.</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px; text-align: center;"><em>For those of you that might not have caught on, I'm talking about God. Don't worry, I'm not breaking the rules ;-)</em></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px; text-align: center;">So that basically concludes my story. Ummm...ya</div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #000033; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px; text-align: center;"><strong><span style="font-family: Vivaldi; font-size: 26pt;">The End</span></strong></div><div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="color: #000033; line-height: 20px; text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><b>(written 1/26/2009)</b></span></span></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-44132038754038349242010-06-15T21:22:00.000-07:002010-06-16T10:22:10.158-07:00Of The Ascent or Descent...<div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">So many people make a big deal about "the climb."</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">the trek up a mountain, the figurative conquering of a feat/trial/hardship.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"><br /></div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">But is the ascent of the mountain really the hard part?</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">or could the descent be just as, if not more, difficult?</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"> </div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">yes, the climb up to the top of the mountain is draining.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">heck- it's feels downright impossible sometimes.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">But, when you get to the top, when you overcome that trial--- there's no feeling like it in the world.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">You feel lighter, wiser, like you've never felt before.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">You see things you've never seen before, overlooking your past and your future in one fell swoop. </div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">You never want to come down from that place.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"> </div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">But you must.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">Everyone does.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"> </div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">And the descent from that high place, that place of freedom and invincibility, is painful.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">You know where you're headed.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">You were there before.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">Who wants to return there?</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"> </div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">But we all do.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">Usually faster than when we trekked up the mountain.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">It's hard to resist going back to what's comfortable, the ease of life.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">We head down, our backs to the place we worked so hard to rise to.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">We give up the view, the lessons we learned, forgetting so easily.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">Our legs seem to stumble over themselves to get to the bottom.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"> </div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">In that descent, we seem to lose more than what we had gained.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">We do come back with wisdom, knowledge, a feeling of accomplishment that we "made it."</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">Yet we left that place.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">We must come down from that place but partly we choose it.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">Because who can stay up in the clouds for forever?</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">After time it becomes overwhelming- we can't handle it.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">And we must come down.</div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center"> </div><div style="TEXT-ALIGN: center">And knowing what we've left behind on that mountain top but yet still rushing back to earth, to the level ground--- that's the hardest part.</div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-10687214243624300072010-06-13T19:26:00.000-07:002010-06-13T19:44:33.654-07:00To Open My Eyes<div style="text-align: center;">I hate it when you get to a realization that you've actually known for awhile.</div><div style="text-align: center;">You just didn't want to admit it.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Me?</div><div style="text-align: center;">I constantly moan and groan (as most girls do) about my body.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I complain about how I don't feel good about it and I wish I could get it in shape.</div><div style="text-align: center;">{but it's not a real puzzlement why it's not doing what I'd like, not with the daily Starbucks frappucinos, ice cream binges, candy jar raids}</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">It's not that I want to be Barbie. </div><div style="text-align: center;">We all know that's unrealistic.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Nor do I want to be a size 2.</div><div style="text-align: center;">That, for me, would only happen if I became anorexic or bulimic.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I have hips. I have a butt. I like them.</div><div style="text-align: center;">But I do want to be in shape and feel comfortable in my body.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">However, I continue to make excuses whenever I drive through Starbucks or reach for another bowl of icecream.</div><div style="text-align: center;">{Apparently I think that all the Starbucks, icecream and every sweet thing will disappear tomorrow and I <i>must</i> eat as much of it as I can}</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">My friend, Jenn's, favorite line that I say is "the reality of the situation is..."</div><div style="text-align: center;">I think I shall use it</div><div style="text-align: center;">the reality of my situation is that </div><div style="text-align: center;">I KNOW what I need to do.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It's just not as fun.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">This world is not a good teacher in the lesson of delayed gratification.</div><div style="text-align: center;">We want, what we want, now.</div><div style="text-align: center;">And we usually get it.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I need to start denying myself.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Because I know that it isn't helping me.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I don't come away from eating three bowls of ice cream feeling better.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I don't look back on alot of my eating decisions saying, "yes, that was healthy and was good for my body."</div><div style="text-align: center;">{more like, "i'm so sorry body, please forgive me"}</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">and Starbucks?</div><div style="text-align: center;">Yes, it's yummy.</div><div style="text-align: center;">but the cons <i>definitely </i>outweigh the pros.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Cons:</div><div style="text-align: center;">Money (my drink is basically $5- you do the math)</div><div style="text-align: center;">usually out of my way to get it</div><div style="text-align: center;">ALL sugar</div><div style="text-align: center;">probably am slightly addicted to it at this point</div><div style="text-align: center;">{plus, now i'm known by name at a starbucks- not really a good thing}<br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Pros:</div><div style="text-align: center;">yummy</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Wow.</div><div style="text-align: center;">and I've known this for awhile. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Sometimes I need to just write these things down.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Then they stick more.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Basically, I know that the eating habits I have suck.</div><div style="text-align: center;">They don't help my body and they don't help my mood.</div><div style="text-align: center;">And my body is a temple, I shouldn't be filling it with junk, because then I don't have the energy to do what I need to do- whatever God calls me to at the moment.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I need to open my eyes and see myself how God and other's around me see me.</div><div style="text-align: center;">And even if I don't believe it, I need to live up to it.</div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-67063664048525746962010-04-14T19:35:00.000-07:002010-04-14T19:48:38.099-07:00{past writings brought out}<div style="text-align: center;">I came across a couple of things i wrote in the past year or so. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Sometimes just writing them for others to see helps.</div><div style="text-align: center;">there's no explanation with these- just words as i wrote them.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">***</div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;">my fingers hold so tightly onto the box. </span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;">it is messy.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;">screwed up and a total wreck.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;">i made it quickly, without any plans or idea of what i was doing, simply knowing i wanted a box.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;">if i let someone else who knows how to fix it take it from my hands, it will be bettered.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;">But i don't know that i want that.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;">Because, even though it's messy and probably doesn't even look like a box, it's mine.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;">I made it.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;">And i have control.</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;">But do i really want control over something that is useless?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;">something i'll end up looking at and regretting or wanting to destroy?</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;">***</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">***</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">sometimes it gets lonely behind a wall. even if the wall has a door in it and people are able to go in and out, sometimes the people i want to talk to are the ones who were the reason i built the wall. But then, through the wall, i hear the taunts and the shouts and all they are saying... and i'm grateful for the wall again, Because they're not able to see how each look, or each word they throw at me actually hits me. I built the wall to make them think that they can't get to me, that i'm fine and don't care. But no wall is perfect. They have cracks, holes. I can still hear. The actual use of the wall is to hide me when the words actually pierce my heart and the looks make me want to cry... But they don't know that. All they see is the wall. The coldness and immobility - how i wish they see me. I can't be moved, emotionally or even physically. As sad or depressing as that thought is- it works for me. Because those few times i feel the words thru the wall, there are more times i have become like the wall. </span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'trebuchet ms';">i am unable to show emotion.</span></b></div><div style="text-align: center;">***</div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-76129231726236031962010-04-12T18:33:00.000-07:002010-04-12T18:58:07.939-07:00Of Not Being Controlled By Emotions<div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">I know.</span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">Some of you just laughed hysterically at the title, shook your head and said </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#000099;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">"oh, good luck."</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">Let's count all the things I have that make this statement a really, really seemingly impossible thing to obtain.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-large;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#993300;">1. I'm female.</span></i></span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">Yeah. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">That's a good enough list don't you think?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">(I thought so)</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">I am just so sick of having my days be roller coasters. It could be going so well and then one small thing: he does/ doesn't talk to you, your friend states something in just a certain way, a co-worker passes on a bit of "harmless" gossip.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">Sometimes I'm very adept at just letting things just roll off my back- like water on the back of a duck?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">But lately, I just feel like everything has been running over into everything else. My friendships and my work life and my faith and my family- they're all intertwined.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">If something is going bad in one, then I'm for sure not going to be as happy in the others. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">Or vice versa.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">I've always wanted to know if there was a way to just not let situations control my emotions as much. </span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">Is there a way I can just not care?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">That's what it seems like I'd need to do.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">{I know, some of you are just thinking "give it up and give it God. He'll help"}</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">I know that line.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">I've told people that line.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">Not that it's not true. But sometimes, I get sick of the cliche' lines and the answers that I've gotten since I can remember.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">I wish there was something else I could do.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">Cause, no offense, God doesn't always deal with it how I'd like Him to.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">I wish it was something like- "if you make sure to always do a cartwheel after every interaction with people, you will have control over the situation."</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">But that's what I ultimately want, right?</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">It's not even about the emotions.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">I just want the control.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">It's not about wishing I could handle situations with more grace or simply have a grasp on my emotions.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">It's the control.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">I don't like feeling out of control in my own life.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">But feeling <i>in </i>control in my life is worse than feeling out of control- because then I'm very very mistaken.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">So maybe... letting my life be out of control is the best.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;">Cause I'm never going to control anything. Emotions. Relationships. Situations.</span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><br /></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:verdana;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#663333;"><b>{Here's to living an out of control life}</b></span></i></span></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-76314468589583970402010-01-11T21:16:00.000-08:002010-01-11T21:26:33.822-08:00To Remembering...<div style="text-align: center;">Because it's oh-so-easy to forget.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I don't know why this seems to be sticking with me right now. Maybe it's the book I'm reading- Kiss by Ted Dekker and some other author (I'll look it up later). A girl looses her memory and is torn between trying to figure out her past at all costs or just looking forward. And the message (so far) seems to be that your history is important. </div><div style="text-align: center;">{it's a good book, maybe not my favorite of Ted Dekker's but it gives you enough of an idea where it's taking you but not enough where you can have a logical guess--- interesting but also somewhat infuriating}</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Anyways, point being, I feel like I forget things so easily. Good things. Bad things. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Things that have made me who I am and brought me to where I am today.</div><div style="text-align: center;">My best friend when I was 3.</div><div style="text-align: center;">My decision to stick with Spanish throughout school.</div><div style="text-align: center;">My intensely shy period.</div><div style="text-align: center;">The time I decided a guy was worth breaking some rules for.</div><div style="text-align: center;">My hippie time period.</div><div style="text-align: center;">That time I let myself not care about anything.</div><div style="text-align: center;">The days I felt like crying constantly.</div><div style="text-align: center;">My time with different groups of friends.</div><div style="text-align: center;">My art stage.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Why is it so easy to forget? </div><div style="text-align: center;">And why do some people push us to forget?</div><div style="text-align: center;">So much of this world seems to say "the past is in the past, it doesn't affect me."</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I agree with the first part.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">The past is <i>obviously </i>in the past. </div><div style="text-align: center;">(it'd be trippy if it was in the future)</div><div style="text-align: center;">But it <i>does</i> affect me.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It has had a hand in molding me into who I am today.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Good or bad.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">{There are many verses where God commands the Israelites to set up monuments or days of remembrance so that they would do just that- remember. A fight God won for them. A time they turned away.}</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Now if I can only remember to remember...</div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-16259151875690806482009-11-23T21:34:00.001-08:002009-11-23T21:58:19.914-08:00Of The End Of The Lesson<div style="text-align: center;">There's that saying: <i><b>what you find annoying in others is often found in you</b></i>.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Or something along those lines.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I feel like the walking lesson of that saying. Especially lately, when I've found myself frustrated or annoyed with a specific habit, God seems to just remind me of when I do that thing myself.</div><div style="text-align: center;">(Those are the moments when I want to say- "<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:'courier new';"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#660000;">Really, God</span></b></span></span>?" and then I look down and laugh, so grateful that He has a sense of humor)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Just this evening, I've been mulling over my future. What it might be. Where I might go.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I can't deny that missions will probably be in my future.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It <b>always </b>comes up. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>The thought of going out on the field again gets me so excited</i>.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">And then I'm not excited.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Without dragging my past out again and boring with the details, let's just say that the past trip I was on was very hard. Lot's of ups and downs. Decisions I wish I could change. Things I wish I could take back.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:arial;">(This also brings my "live without regrets" mantra into the picture... but I'll deal with it in another time, another place)</span></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">"Do you feel like you can't be a missionary again?"</div><div style="text-align: center;">This question was asked by a family member. I was surprised when they asked, more surprised when I realized that my answer was "yes."</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">There is a part of me that feels like I can't be a missionary again.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Most of that is due to some lingering guilt, frustration, shame, fear.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I think that I am afraid that no missionary is better than a missionary that might mess up, that isn't perfect.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">But I know that isn't true. I KNOW that isn't true.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Why can't I shake this fear of trying then?</div><div style="text-align: center;">(I promise, the beginning part of this entry will make sense)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">You see, I've always been an advocate of letting your past be in your past.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><b>EVERYONE HAS ONE.</b></div><div style="text-align: center;">There's nothing you can do about it except for learn and move on.</div><div style="text-align: center;">And the best part, allow God to use those epic, horrible mess-ups to help someone else. To connect. To show His redeeming love.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I've run across a couple of people in my life who had a hard time leaving their past behind them. It felt like they were constantly carrying this cross around on their back, doing penance for whatever sin they had committed.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm trying to think of the simplest, most straight forward way to explain what I told them. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Fine, I'll just try.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Here:</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;"><b>By constantly beating themselves down, defining themselves by their sin and not letting go of it, it was as if they were saying that they couldn't be saved. They couldn't be forgiven. Their sin was THAT bad (in their eyes).</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;"><b>Which meant that they didn't see God's grace as enough for them.</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;"><b>God wasn't enough for them.</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;"><b>Only they could save themselves. Obviously they were much more righteous than everyone else in the world since THEIR sin couldn't be forgiven.</b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#330033;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div style="text-align: center;">(I said it a little nicer than that)</div><div style="text-align: center;">But do you see what I mean?</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm not saying that everyone who has some horrible sin that is hard to let go of has a huge pride issue or something. It's when we don't feel like God is the ultimate authority. </div><div style="text-align: center;">He is what matters.</div><div style="text-align: center;">No one else.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">So looping back to the beginning, I realized today that someone could say the same thing that I've said: Who am I to decide whether or not I am forgiven? (basically)</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I've been told my sin is as far as the east is from the west.</div><div style="text-align: center;">That's eternity.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">{Now does this mean my sin and decisions don't have consequences? Not at all.}</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">But it does mean that I don't have to live my life in fear of humans and what they think of me. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Because in the end, this is all going away.</div><div style="text-align: center;">In the end, there is a new beginning.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">{And now that I've "finished" this lesson, I can start on the next}</div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-43169682626477359142009-11-05T10:07:00.000-08:002009-11-05T10:14:21.154-08:00Of A Correct Response...<div style="text-align: center;">I started writing this blog and then had to erase it because I quickly figured out that what I was venting about, what I was looking for the right response to --- well, I was somewhat starting to act the same way.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I just hope that everyone realizes that everyone has "off" days.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Everyone.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">We just need to give each other grace. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I know it's easy for me to run back to how I <i>used </i>to handle conflict --- I'm NOT good at handling it. I usually don't approach it at all. So for me, maybe that means I <i>do</i> handle it and deal with it. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">BUT --- no matter how we handle tough situations, we really need to just give each other a break.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">That's my two cents today. Maybe they're somewhat jumbled and don't flow. But it is what it is. Grace.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Above all, <i>love.</i></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-73362100347794256122009-09-08T18:47:00.000-07:002009-09-08T19:08:13.722-07:00Of No More Wasted Emotions<div style="text-align: center;">I think I've finally come to a place where I can look and say "No."</div><div style="text-align: center;">No more. No more frustration over you and what you won't do. </div><div style="text-align: center;">{Interesting that this came close to my other blog, about forgiving myself. I guess healing and self analysis come hand-in-hand.}</div><div style="text-align: center;">While talking a situation over with a friend, this wise person told me that "he is not worth the time and energy that I was giving him." She was right.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Why do we let ourselves get wrapped up in one thing? As girls, I think it's easy to latch onto a guy, thinking that he's our last chance. There won't be another one.</div><div style="text-align: center;">It's not true.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I like to watch TV shows {crime shows are my favorite} and there was one episode of a show, I don't remember what, where a woman is agonizing over the thought of having lost her one chance at love. That it wouldn't come around agian.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Her friend pointed out that love comes around all the time.</div><div style="text-align: center;">And, as the case usually is, it always hits us when we're least expecting it. </div><div style="text-align: center;">For me, it usually hits when I least <i>want </i>it.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Not neccessarily "love," but that one person steps into your life and, for that time, you wonder how you ever fully lived without them. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I think it's easy to get wrapped up in <i>what once was</i> or what <i>could be</i>. There have been so many times that I've looked a guy and thought "it could never get better than this. I will never find anyone who gets me like this again."</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC0000;">I grew up believing in soul-mates.</span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC0000;"> Now, I think that, if two people love each other enough, they will make it work out. They will stay together no matter what.</span></i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#CC0000;"><i><br /></i></span></div><div style="text-align: center;">I guess what I'm saying- no more wasted energy and emotion on what once was or what could be. </div><div style="text-align: center;">It's life. We just have to live.</div><div style="text-align: center;">Our hand in our Father's. Ultimately, it's His love that matters anyway.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5631022571701224743.post-73318900577162585092009-09-04T10:35:00.001-07:002009-09-04T10:50:15.631-07:00Of Forgiving Myself<div style="text-align: center;">There has to be a time when you just let things go- when you leave them in the past, where they belong. </div><div style="text-align: center;">When is the right time? Is it something that someone else has to tell you? Or something you figure out yourself?</div><div style="text-align: center;">I never know what the correct "grieving" or "punishment" time should be. Y'know, that time after you do something and have to ask God's forgiveness, other's forgiveness, and, ultimately, forgive yourself.</div><div style="text-align: center;">I always get caught on that last one. </div><div style="text-align: center;">I have the hardest time forgiving myself. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Not to put any blame on others- but it doesn't help when I'm working on forgiving myself, placing the situation in my past, and someone brings it up again. Throws it in my face.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>Doesn't help at all.</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I've learned from past experiences that time really helps with wounds. There are situations I'm able to look at or talk about now (even with a little humor), that at the time, I thought it was the end of the world. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Only time will tell if I've really forgiven myself.<br />I know God has forgiven me- I've never doubted that.</div><div style="text-align: center;"> <i>A story I like (forgot where I heard it) is of a priest who commited a sin when he was younger (who hasn't?) He continually confesses it but never forgets it. Never feels forgiven. A women in her congregation comes to him one day, claiming she talks to God. And He talks back. The priest told her, if that was so, to ask God what was the sin that the priest commited when he was younger. The woman left and a few days later, she came back. He asked if she had talked to God- she responded "yes". He then asked if God told her what his sin was. She said she did. God's response to her question?</i></div><div style="text-align: center;"><i>"</i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color:#FF0000;">I don't remember</span></b>."</div><div style="text-align: center;">I know that is God's true response. Who knows if the story is true or not. The "moral" of the story is true. God doesn't have a book that he's keeping a list of our sins in. He's forgets them. Never to be thought of again.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I'm gonna skip over talking about people forgiving each other- we're all human and fall short of what God had imagined for us.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">As for myself- I think I've beaten myself up enough. I have the love of my family and close friends. I've been forgiven by the Almighty God. I have to do this at some point... </div><div style="text-align: center;">So.</div><div style="text-align: center;"> I think I'm ready to let go of this situation. Leave it alone. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Time to move on.</div>justanothergirlhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03067128437767499518noreply@blogger.com1