Monday, April 12, 2010

Of Not Being Controlled By Emotions

I know.
Some of you just laughed hysterically at the title, shook your head and said "oh, good luck."

Let's count all the things I have that make this statement a really, really seemingly impossible thing to obtain.

1. I'm female.

That's a good enough list don't you think?
(I thought so)

I am just so sick of having my days be roller coasters. It could be going so well and then one small thing: he does/ doesn't talk to you, your friend states something in just a certain way, a co-worker passes on a bit of "harmless" gossip.
Sometimes I'm very adept at just letting things just roll off my back- like water on the back of a duck?

But lately, I just feel like everything has been running over into everything else. My friendships and my work life and my faith and my family- they're all intertwined.
If something is going bad in one, then I'm for sure not going to be as happy in the others.

Or vice versa.

I've always wanted to know if there was a way to just not let situations control my emotions as much.
Is there a way I can just not care?
That's what it seems like I'd need to do.

{I know, some of you are just thinking "give it up and give it God. He'll help"}

I know that line.
I've told people that line.

Not that it's not true. But sometimes, I get sick of the cliche' lines and the answers that I've gotten since I can remember.

I wish there was something else I could do.
Cause, no offense, God doesn't always deal with it how I'd like Him to.
I wish it was something like- "if you make sure to always do a cartwheel after every interaction with people, you will have control over the situation."

But that's what I ultimately want, right?
It's not even about the emotions.

I just want the control.

It's not about wishing I could handle situations with more grace or simply have a grasp on my emotions.
It's the control.
I don't like feeling out of control in my own life.
But feeling in control in my life is worse than feeling out of control- because then I'm very very mistaken.

So maybe... letting my life be out of control is the best.
Cause I'm never going to control anything. Emotions. Relationships. Situations.

{Here's to living an out of control life}

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