Saturday, July 17, 2010

of the Next Step

do i stick to what i know?
do i runaway?

or do i try to stick this one out?
do i listen to that small voice that says
"just cause this is different, not what you expected, doesn't mean this isn't what you need"

do i leave?
let the frustration take over and stomp away?

is this even worth it?
is it supposed to be this unpredictable and seemingly impossible?

Sunday, July 11, 2010

of My True Cynic

how am i a cynic you might ask
well, when you automatically assume the worst possible outcome
and tell yourself it'd be for the best

i think that could be it

see, it's easier this way

{i'm never disappointed}

cause if the worst possible outcome happens
i can't be let down
cause i was already expecting it

and i guess if i'm proven wrong
than it means it has to be better

{but that's not why i'm a cynic}

i'm a cynic cause it's how i've taught myself to be
people can't hurt you if you're already expecting to be hurt
you can't really let people in if you don't fully trust them

some people don't understand cynics
they think we're all bitter

they might be right

but after getting hurt by people and watching people i care about get hurt
i can't help but think that some people are just too trusting

maybe i'm making up for all the people who have their hearts open

personally, i'd rather see something coming
-the something that tears your heart out-
i'd rather have already thought it through and know how i'm going to respond


there is that small voice inside that just wishes someone would come along to get rid of this cynic inside of me

i don't know if there's someone out there that can
it will be hard to get rid of
it's been a part of me for a long time

{but maybe}

of Balance

up and down
round and round

my life feels like a song

a very typical "i can't help my emotions right now" song

and to be honest i'm getting sick of the tune

it's not the emotions i mind

it's the confusion that accompanies them

and the fear

the constant questioning

why does there always have to be a down to the up
why does the to always come with a fro
why can't it be constant

i know that it will always be like this
in every situation

life is never the same
one moment is not like the next
today not like tomorrow

i simply need to remember the things in life that won't ever change

the love of family and friends
the love of God
the fact that i will never understand everything

i just need to rest in the moment right now
because that's all that i'm living

and in the now there can {usually} only be one feeling
i'll deal with the one i've got at the moment
and deal with the others when they come

dealing with everything at once is never wise
it only makes it that much more complicated