Sunday, June 13, 2010

To Open My Eyes

I hate it when you get to a realization that you've actually known for awhile.
You just didn't want to admit it.

I constantly moan and groan (as most girls do) about my body.
I complain about how I don't feel good about it and I wish I could get it in shape.
{but it's not a real puzzlement why it's not doing what I'd like, not with the daily Starbucks frappucinos, ice cream binges, candy jar raids}

It's not that I want to be Barbie.
We all know that's unrealistic.
Nor do I want to be a size 2.
That, for me, would only happen if I became anorexic or bulimic.

I have hips. I have a butt. I like them.
But I do want to be in shape and feel comfortable in my body.

However, I continue to make excuses whenever I drive through Starbucks or reach for another bowl of icecream.
{Apparently I think that all the Starbucks, icecream and every sweet thing will disappear tomorrow and I must eat as much of it as I can}

My friend, Jenn's, favorite line that I say is "the reality of the situation is..."
I think I shall use it
the reality of my situation is that
I KNOW what I need to do.
It's just not as fun.

This world is not a good teacher in the lesson of delayed gratification.
We want, what we want, now.
And we usually get it.
I need to start denying myself.
Because I know that it isn't helping me.
I don't come away from eating three bowls of ice cream feeling better.
I don't look back on alot of my eating decisions saying, "yes, that was healthy and was good for my body."
{more like, "i'm so sorry body, please forgive me"}

and Starbucks?
Yes, it's yummy.
but the cons definitely outweigh the pros.
Money (my drink is basically $5- you do the math)
usually out of my way to get it
ALL sugar
probably am slightly addicted to it at this point
{plus, now i'm known by name at a starbucks- not really a good thing}


and I've known this for awhile.
Sometimes I need to just write these things down.
Then they stick more.

Basically, I know that the eating habits I have suck.
They don't help my body and they don't help my mood.
And my body is a temple, I shouldn't be filling it with junk, because then I don't have the energy to do what I need to do- whatever God calls me to at the moment.

I need to open my eyes and see myself how God and other's around me see me.
And even if I don't believe it, I need to live up to it.

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